Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
