it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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