Screwed.edu
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
