Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
