I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
