there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
