Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
