I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
