would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
