Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
