I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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