He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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