also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are the jesus of drinking
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
