So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
