Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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