I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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