This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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