Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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