It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
