It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
