i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
