He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
