so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he thought i was a dude.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
