I accidentally burped into my bong.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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