how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
