you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
