I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
