So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
