1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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