he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
PANTIES FOUND
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