You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
