If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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