Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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