i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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