hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
