Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
