Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
