It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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