he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
