you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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