i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
