Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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