His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
