Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
