If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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