Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
