so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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