so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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