Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
