It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
