JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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