i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
