Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
