Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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