next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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