remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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