this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I supernannyed him into submission
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
