It's Friday. Sex?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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