hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
