Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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