I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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