My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
